South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut -- Hilarious Outtakes
by Kartoonkid95
Summary: See the gaffes that went on behind the scenes while making the notorious movie.


(cut to the scene from near the beginning where Kyle prepares to kick Ike)

(Speed, marker, action)

**KYLE: **Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!

**IKE:** Don't kick the baby.

**KYLE:** Kick the baby!

(Kyle runs up to kick Ike, only to slip and fall on his back when he tries to kick)

**KYLE:** Agh! Goddammit, agh!

(Ike and the film crew laugh)

(cut to the scene of Terrence and Phillip's arrest as Conan is about to jump out of the window)

(Speed, marker, action)

**CONAN:** Oh God, what have I done!?

(Conan jumps out the window behind him, only to hit the studio floor on the other side)

**CONAN:** Aaaaah! Aw, fucking ass! Awwww.

**DIRECTOR:** Cut!

**CONAN:** Where's the cushion!? There was supposed to be a safety cushion right here!

(Terrence, Phillip and the mothers all laugh at Conan's misfortune)

**DIRECTOR:** All right, get another glass and let's do this again.

(cut to Wendy skating on the ice with several forest animals surrounding her; Wendy suddenly stops)

**WENDY:** Okay, I'm sorry. Can we stop please? It's just that there are too many animals here and I'm trying to concentrate.

**DIRECTOR:** But it's for the sake of parody.

**WENDY:** There's a fucking bear here!

**DIRECTOR:** Okay, just close your eyes and pretend that they're not there. They're not here. All right, let's roll again!

(next take; and action)

(Wendy skates when a bear savagely starts to run toward her, but is shot dead before it reaches her. Wendy opens her eyes and looks at the carcass.)

(cut to Jimbo and Ned on the battlefield during the war)

(Jimbo accidentally shoots the cameraman and the camera falls to the side)

**JIMBO:** Um…he was coming right for us?

(cut to Cartman getting tucked in bed by his mother)

**CARTMAN:** Mom, if you were in a German scheisse video, you'd tell me right.

**LIANE:** Uhhhh…line?

(Cartman and the crew giggle)

**DIRECTOR:** It's "Yes, hon." All right, let's go again.

(cut to the same Cartman scene)

**CARTMAN:** Mom, if you were in a German scheisse video, you'd tell me right.

**LIANE:** Yes, ho—(vomits all over Cartman)

**CARTMAN:** AAAAGH! THE FUCKING FUCK!

**LIANE:** Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Holy crap, I knew I shouldn't have had Arby's for lunch.

(the crew laughs uproariously as Cartman tries to shake the vomit off)

**CARTMAN:** MAKE-UP!

(cut again to the Cartman scene)

**CARTMAN:** Mom, if you were in a German shit—-Oh goddammit.

(Liane and the crew laugh at Cattman's gaffe)

(cut to the kids surrounding Cartman and Kenny)

**CLYDE:** Come on, gang. We gotta see the Terrence & Phillip movie too!

(all the kids run off)

**CARTMAN:** I hate you, Kitty. Oh—Kitty!?

(Cartman and the crew laugh until Kenny decks Cartman)

(cut to Sheila at the USO show in front of the giant flag and helmet hanging from her hairdo)

(Speed, marker, action)

**SHEILA:** Because remember what the MPAA says: horrible deplorable violence is okay as long as—

(unkenoest to her, the flag falls down over her)

**SHEILA: **(muffled) —there aren't any…Hey, where'd everybody go?

(cut to Kyle attempting to talk some sense into his mom as he defends Terrence & Phillip)

**KYLE:** You're just keep going out fighting all these causes, but I don't want a fighter…I want…I…

(Kyle sees the microphone coming into the frame)

**KYLE:** Oh my God, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

**MIC GUY:** What?

**KYLE:** This is supposed to be my big moment, the fucking heart of the movie, and what do you do!? WHAT DO YOU DO!

**STAN:** Kyle, calm down.

**KYLE:** YOU JUST HALF-ASSEDLY PUT THE MIC IN THE SHOT!

**MIC GUY: **I'm sorry, I really am.

**STAN:** This is why there are things as takes.

**KYLE:** No! This guy is an asshole and he needs to be fired! God, for fuck's sakes, I just wanna…AGH! I'll be in my trailer!

**BUTTERS:** Uh…does this mean we can take a break now? I have to go poo-poo.

(cut to Satan and Saddam in bed)

**SATAN:** Is sex the only thing that matters to you?

**SADDAM:** …Yes.

(Satan and the crew burst into laughter)

**SADDAM:** Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

(Saddam joins in the laughter)

(cut to the M.A.C. protest outside Tom's Rhinoplasty prior to shooting)

**CAMERAMAN:** Wait, let me check the focus.

**SHARON:** Look, I'm just going to say this. Didn't we do this before?

**SHEILA:** What do you mean.

**SHARON:** I mean, we're protesting against Terrence and Phillip. Doesn't that plot sound familiar to you.

**SHEILA:** Well, yes, it's what we do on the show. But in the movie, everything's bigger. I mean, there are demons and a war and everything.

**SHARON:** I'm just saying is that I think this act is going stale and I don't think it can go any father than this.

**DIRECTOR:** Okay, ladies, places!

**SHEILA:** Just put your best into it, all right.

**SHARON:** (sigh) Well, this won't matter once I get my album out into the open.

(cut to Chef and his black comrades ready to deviant from "Operation: Human Shield")

**CHEF: **All right, squad, just like I told you. One…Two…

(Chef's tummy rumbles and he farts before he can say "Three." Everyone in the squad laughs.)

**CHEF:** Sorry. I'm sorry. It's just I never had some of my own cooking before. Man, what have I been giving those kids? Their digestive tracts must be annihilated by now.

(cut to near the end when Kenny reveals his face to the boys)

**STAN:** Oh my God!

**KYLE:** Ike?

("Kenny" turns to the camera to reveal it was Ike in the parka)

**IKE:** Gotcha!

(everyone starts laughing at Ike's little joke)


End file.
